Having an orgasm is always euphoric, but wouldn’t it be nice if every orgasm was better than the last? This sentiment always felt like nothing more than a pipe dream to me—until recently, when I accidentally went on a month-long sex cleanse (read: adulting got in the way) and didn’t orgasm whatsoever. Now, this may sound like one of Dante’s Circles of Hell, but let me tell you: It was so worth it. When I finally did have sex again, my orgasms were out of this world and filled with so much variety. The best part? They’ve stayed that way, too.
1. Rid the body of any negative sexual energy
Sex is something that should make you feel good. It should be a mind-blowing affair every single time. However, soulless, dispassionate sex or an underlying sexual problem will leave a bad taste in your mouth about the whole thing in general. This negative connotation will likely create an aversion to sex. It will likely impede your libido and ability to orgasm. Or, perhaps, it will have you settling in the bedroom—which is something you should never, ever do.
Much like food and alcohol cleanses are designed to detox the body, a sex cleanse can help rid your body of any negative sexual energy. This will create room for better energy to come in the future and create more positive sexual experiences. Expelling pent-up emotions like stress or tension will also help your body finally relax, which will help you have some much-deserved, blissful orgasms.
2. Discover new feelings and fantasies
This one may seem contradictory because sexperts often vouch for taking the time to figure out what you like sexually by having more sex (especially with yourself), but hear me out. When you’re used to something and know what works—like your favorite vibrator, the sex position that gets you off, etc.—you naturally gravitate towards it. And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with sticking with what you know works, this lack of variety can inadvertently create a stale sex life.
However, practicing abstinence will heighten your senses and make you more primed and ready for arousal. Think about it: How often do you vow to stay away from something and find it suddenly popping up everywhere? When you deprive yourself of something, you automatically become more aware of it. If you deprive yourself of sex, you’ll naturally become more attuned to the things that turn you on or make you feel a certain type of way. This is a great way to discover new things about yourself sexually and open yourself up to new possibilities and fantasies you might want to explore.
3. Increase intimacy
While orgasms are definitely a form of self-care and self-love, going back to basics—like back before you ever had your first orgasm—can help increase intimacy with yourself. Loving yourself is a key part of experiencing exhilarating sex and having blissful orgasms. When you don’t love yourself, it’s much more difficult to give yourself the permission to orgasm and enjoy sexual activities.
One thing I’ve found to be really helpful in increasing intimacy with myself is taking the time whenever I can to lie down flat on my bed with my eyes closed. From there, I’ll slowly and gently run my hands all over my body as a way to show my appreciation and marvel at all it has done for me. Sometimes, I’ll stop and hug myself or pause over areas that feel extra tight and need a little bit of love. Self-love and compassion meditations can also be helpful for building intimacy with yourself.
This is also true if you’re in a relationship. Believe it or not, abstaining from sex can actually increase intimacy between yourself and your partner. It will not only take you both back to the beginning before you ever slept together and help build emotional intimacy. But you’re also likely to be more affectionate during this time. You may find yourselves cuddling more, sharing quick kisses throughout the day—which you’re totally allowed to do—and so on. Having strong intimacy outside the bedroom is key to having an amazing sex life as a couple.
4. Build sexual tension and increase desire
When you know you have something coming up, there’s usually a build-up leading up to it. So, if you decide to go on a sex cleanse, there’s a 99.9% chance you’ll know when the big day is—the day you can finally have an orgasm again. The excitement and anticipation of what’s to come will naturally build up the sexual tension inside of you. It will increase your desire, which will help you have a mind-blowing orgasm.
Don’t be afraid to do some planning in the lead-up to the big day, either. Start thinking about the setting, any toys you want to use or positions you want to try, and so on and so forth. This is only going to amp up your libido. It’ll make your body more primed and ready to have a heavenly sexual experience and release.
5. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Any time we want sexual stimulation, we can easily find it through things like porn, sex toys, TV shows and movies, romance novels, etc. Although this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can take the mystique out of the act altogether. You can’t forget how good something is if you have it every chance you get. Likewise, you can’t appreciate it if you can get it so easily. When it comes down to it—just like everything else in life—it’s easy to take sex and orgasms for granted.
Practicing better self-control by going on a sex cleanse is going to make you seriously appreciate it that much more. Take it from me: That first orgasm after abstaining is absolutely intoxicating. I’ll become insatiable afterward. My sex drive will be through the roof. And my orgasms will be nothing short of a little death (or la petite mort, as the French like to say) every single time. I’ll find myself thinking of more and more ways I can entice my fiancé or when I can sneak off and have some me time.
There’s nothing wrong with taking a step back, regrouping, and giving yourself a chance to miss those euphoric feelings sex and orgasms bring. It doesn’t mean there’s something “broken” inside of you. Likewise, if you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that your partner’s bad in bed. Being open and willing to go on a sex cleanse simply means that you’re open to recalibrating in order to have a sexual reawakening. You deserve to have mind-blowing orgasms and incredible sexual experiences, and sometimes a brief detox is the best way to make that happen.